looking for the same shade of green everywhere in the world

Forethought: Sorry Dad, I know you asked for another light hearted, funny blog, but unfortunately I don’t have it in me just yet.

The last time I wrote, I spoke about home. I spoke of how, for the time being, I was finally home. I spoke about how I was so glad to have stopped moving and to be settled. I think the saying that applies best to my life at this exact moment is “the grass is always greener”. You always want what you don’t have. It’s actually quite annoying don’t you think?

Now that I am settled, I miss home. This time around I am qualifying home as the USA, NYC, Hoboken, NH, Maine, etc. Now that I have stopped moving, I have all the time in the world to think about the pleasures of home. When I was moving around every few days, I was far too busy to have time to think about anything more than what city I would be in next and how I was getting there, never-mind to think about home. There was no time to think about my family, my friends, and what was going on in their lives. Now that I have been in Adelaide for what is approaching 3 weeks on Thursday, I have felt very, very home sick.

I think this feeling of missing home is only increased by the fact that many of my friends have had life altering things happen in the last few weeks. One friend from home got married a few weeks ago, and I missed her wedding, one friend got engaged last weekend, one friend had her company transfer her to London for 3 months, another is persistently looking for a new job and moving to a different state to move in with her boyfriend, another is in the process of buying a house with her boyfriend, my mom is retiring at the end of the year, my brother is desperately searching for a job, and all this is coupled with the fact that my birthday is in 2 weeks. My quarter century birthday. My big two five. Sheesh I am old. Actually, I think that is exactly it. I am starting to feel old by what everyone back home is doing. I have no job, (no real job at least) no plans, no house, no career path, no idea what in the hell I am going to do. My friends mean-while are buying houses, getting married, have 401K’s and are fully vested. Anyone who knows me knows my biggest fear is to end up old and alone. (Although I think that is a big fear of most people). I am afraid if I keep going the way I am, before I know it, I will wake up and be 45 with 20 cats and be known to the kids in the neighborhood as Crazy Lady Janowitz with overgrown weeds in the yards, and an ominous looking old house. No thanks.

I think this blog is written by the irrational side of my brain. The rational part of me knows that 25 is young, and I have plenty of time to buy a house, find a career I love, get married, have a “real” life. However, I think the irrational side of my brain is currently on steroids and is beating out the skinny weak rational side.

(Side note: I have a huge urge to use the word “reckon”. Please don’t think I am a red neck by using this term. Over here it is synonymous with “think”. I hear it about 34328320948 times a day, and my vocabulary is slightly altering into aussie lingo the longer I am here. Maybe it really is time to get out of here).

Back to the point. I found a job here, (waitress) and hopefully once I start to occupy my time with work, meet new people, and have some money in my bank account I will start to feel better. I am still enjoying living with Cooper, and I have a lot of fun with his friends, but I miss MY friends. His family is super sweet, but once again they are HIS family. I miss MY family.

It is pretty ironic that transitions are tough for me. On one hand I thrive with transition. ie: traveling for 6 months on my own. However on the other hand, as soon as I get some stability I freeze up and get anxiety. Most people love stability, but as soon as I get any in my life I want to leave it behind, yet while I leave it behind, all I want is for it to come back into my life. I currently have a house, a job, friends, and a good life, yet what I want is to travel again, or go back to my old life. When traveling I want to stop and lay low. When I am in the states I want to go oversees. Life is a bitch ain’t it??? Why does the grass have to be so damn green on the other side? Why ca’nt all the grass be the same exact shade of green everywhere and in every situation.

I realize many people are going to read this, and say, “Sarah, why are you complaining??” You are in Australia, doing something I wish I had the courage to do.” Well it’s true. I really don’t have anything to complain about, yet I am. I apologize for my complaints, but I think we have all been in a situation where we have felt home sick. So a little sympathy would be nice ☺

It is winter here now, and I wonder if the reason why I miss home is because it is rainy and cold, while it is approaching sunny days back home. My tan is gone, which is an altogether depressing thought. Especially considering how hard I have worked on that tan.

Anyhow- Life all in all isn’t so bad. I know I can come home whenever I want, but that brings me to the question of the last blog. Where is home?? Ay yai yai!!!!

Alright I think that is about it from me for today. I have a family dinner at the Cooper’s house tonight.

To leave on a light hearted note: Two days ago I went on a run around town (SO out of shape it is frightening). Anyhow- I saw a homeless man standing up and peeing all over the sidewalk with his penis out for the world to see. So not only is there white trash in Australia, there are also stinky homeless men, even in some of the nicest areas of Australia. Aren’t you pleased to know that we are all connected on the most primal levels??