SE Asia-isms

There are things that I have remembered the last few days from my 2 months in SE Asia that I do not quickly want to forget. These sentiments seem (for the most part) to be universal in that region. I call them SE Asia-isms.

-Even in a 3rd world country they know what the westerners want, and they know they need to make it simple for us to find it. That is why is in Siem Reap Cambodia everyone goes to “Pub Street”. In Saigon Vietnam people head to “Go 2 Bar”, and in Vang Veing Laos, you go to get your beach buckets filled with booze at none other than “Bucket Bar”.

-Vietnam is dirty. Trash is thrown everywhere. On the street, in the ocean, out the window, everywhere except the dump. It is cheaper to pay off the police for illegally dumping garbage, then to pay to dump it properly… That seems a bit fucked up huh? They are only thinking about the here and now, and not the future. I wish they would realize by doing this now, they are ruining chances of a future generation having a clean environment to live in.

-The Danish and the Dutch are the nicest of all the travelers I have met on a consistent basis.

- It doesn’t matter if you have a pair of sunglasses on already, it doesn’t matter if it is raining and cloudy, it doesn’t even matter if clearly you are blind, have a seeing eye dog with you, the vendors will try to sell you a pair of sunglasses. This goes for pretty much every item you can think of. If something can be sold, copied, ripped off, pirated, or stolen you can find it, and chances are someone will indeed buy it. It is when you say, “who would buy that piece of junk” when just then you see someone walk up to the vendor and actually, right before your very eyes, buy that exact piece of junk.

- “OK” is the most commonly used word by everyone in SE Asia. It is not used as a question, It is a statement. Example:
Me: “How much?”
Vendor: “$10”
Me: “$10?!?!? No way Ill give you $4”
Vendor: “ok, ok. $7. OK!”
Me: “no, not $7.”
Vendor: “$6 ok ok!”
Me: walk away while vendor still yells… “$5 ok ok.”

-I must be super special because everyone will give a “special discount just for me”. I know they say this to everyone, I know that everyday they sell the same shit for the same price but somehow I like to think that TODAY really is a discount day JUST for me.

-Some travelers must be huge idiots to pay the kind of outrageous prices things are sold for. Bargaining is the way of life. At least half the price of everything you are quoted.

- Sweetened condensed milk takes some getting used to. It is in your coffee, tea, on bread, pancakes, sandwiches, fruit, EVERYTHING. However, I am pretty sure there is some sort of crack in it, because I started craving that sweet messy goo. I needed my daily fix. I am currently going through withdrawal.

- You do things in Asia that would never be allowed/legal/or safe in any other place in the world. For example: feed crocodiles that are only a few feet away with no barrier between you, swim in the ocean next to a metal boat in the middle of a lightening storm, ride in the back of a pickup truck with no seatbelts for hours at a time, parasail strapped to a parachute with holes in it, and if you can dream it you can eat it, from fried crickets and scorpions, to dog, to the delicacy of fish eyeballs.

-Apparently all tuk tuk drivers think I need a taxi or a tuk tuk even if I only need to walk 100 ft.

-Bananas are all small. And fruit shakes are a daily staple.

-Two of the most insightful sayings I have ever heard I learned in SE Asia. I think they can be applied in a myriad of situations, and are wiser than they sound at first. These perceptive words of wisdom are: “Same, Same, But Different” and “Good for you, Good for me”.

-Pedestrians do not have the right of way EVER. However, if and when you choose to cross the street, don’t stop halfway through. Keep walking…slowly. The motorcycles know how to avoid you, but you must keep moving.

-It is not unlikely to see a family of 5 on one motorcyle, or a dead pig on the back of the bike, or a man surrounded by hundreds of some random object tied to every last space on the bike.

-It is amazing what women can do in skirts and high heels. I don’t know if it is a height complex or what, but all Asian women seem to wear heels ALL the time. Whether on a hike, on a bike (motor or peddle), on a bus, or just walking around town for the day, women wear heels.

-Careful when buying body lotion. Most of it is whitening, and the last thing I (or for that matter most westerners) want is to bleach away the tan I have been working oh so hard on.

I think that is it for now, I’m sure there are more ism’s that I can’t think of or remember at the moment, but if one comes to me, ill be sure to add it.